i just can't let go. it ain't gonna stop.

there have been a few things of note these past few days.

firstly (:P) i managed to contract a very nasty virus... on my computer. (i'm fine in the bathroom, thanks for the concern though.) it ate both my netbook and my host family's pc. it's been a fun few days of scanning and resetting and reading and not being able to read russian. that being said, we are on the cutting edge of a winning war and i think that i have gotten the answers/programs/solutions i needed (thanks emily!!).

two year old viruses are nothing to play with. old and virile. how rude.

second, i got my package! it was awesome. i'm gonna be all fresh and clean real soon. one thing to note. i will only be asking for candy during the winter months from now on. it was very, very sad to get a package full of completely melted candies. even if it flew here without melting on the plane. sitting in a hot ass kazakh post office for a week with no air conditioning will melt the hardiest of things, which reese's are not. a few of the reese's mostly melted and oozed into the closed bag and covered everything with a layer of wax and chocolate. that being said, i am still very slowly eating them. it's a messy process and rather difficult. the chocolate has somehow swallowed the wrappers on top and the wax on the inner paper has melted and re-solidified in various places. (i forgot to mention, i tried to salvage them by putting them in the freezer. it worked, but the long term consequences are still unknown.) i am covered in wax, chocolate, and sweat after i spend the required time peeling foil off/out of the chocolate.  the freezing part has made it great though once i've done the dirty work. even though it's all weird shaped and unwieldy, the glory that is wax paper comes right off of the misshapen mass of what once was a perfect reese's when frozen.

everything else in the package has been great. i did find out that NO ONE likes liquorice. my host mother and sister both spit them out after eating that jelly belly. my host mother is now suspicious of all non-chocolate american candy. haha.

and kind of lastly, i have become ridiculously homesick. a few nights ago i had the saddest dream. it was really nice, but now it just makes me more homesick. very simply put, for some reason i was at our old house on Bromley Rowe and my mother came home in some manner of car. she walked around the back of the car from the passenger side and just smiled at me. i did one of those dramatic movie walk ups and just grabbed her. i felt very tall and she felt especially comforting. i just hugged her. and hugged her. and couldn't let go. everytime i went to let go in my dream i just wanted to cry and couldn't let go. finally she just laughed at me and told me something that i can't remember. but it made me let go. and with that i woke up. distressed and missing my mom. thankfully it was an incredibly vivid and lifelike dream so i can just pretend it was real. i haven't seen my mother in person for well over a year and that is slowly taking its toll on me. mom, i miss you very much. 

so heartbroken, aching, and eaten alive i drag myself onward. nothing new and strangely comforting, life goes. i ain't gonna stop and neither is the world. давайте сукы.